Without Purpose
by Demented Koneko
Summary: With Sakura as the new master of the Clow Cards, Syaoran reflects on his life and his reasons to remain. Warning: contains Suicide


**Authors Notes:** A one-shot fic wrote about Syaoran while I was feeling depressed. **Warning: contains Suicide. **

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura. It is owned by the wonderful ladies of CLAMP.

**Without Purpose**

The chestnut haired boy let out a miserable sigh as he entered his bedroom. After gently closing the door he let his body fall limply on to his bed. The mysterious magical force was still terrorizing Tomeda, or at least Sakura and he. 

Sakura…

The innocent little cherry blossom had beaten him. She was presented with the title of Card Mistress while he received nothing. The few cards that he had managed to capture had been taken away from him along with his pride. He had lost. He had lost to both Yue and Sakura. The first time he came face to face with the chosen Cardcaptor he thought it was some kind of joke. There was no way such a pathetic little school girl could become the chosen Cardcaptor and capture the Clow cards, probably the most powerful magic in existence. What in the hell had Cereberus been thinking choosing her? 

In the end Syaoran however had found his low opinions of the girl to be very wrong. With almost each card the girl captured she became stronger. After awhile he grew concerned over his rival's rapidly increasing powers. How was it possible for someone with no previous knowledge of magic to become so power in such a short period of time? Syaoran knew that the elders of the Li clan would be disappointed and embarrassed in him to have lost to such an inexperienced girl. 

The worst humiliation came at the Final judgement. Sakura had just caught the last Clow card, Earthy. After that Yue finally revealed his true form before them. He would test them both and judge whether any of them deserved to be the new master of the Clow cards. Syaoran went first determined to win against Yue. In the end determination wasn't enough and Syaoran suffered a devastating defeat from the ancient moon guardian. He had easily defeated him without even trying then went on to taunting him saying he had expected more from a direct descendant of Clow-sama. In less than a few minutes all of Syaoran's dreams shattered before him. Failure, weakness, humiliation, loss, regret, would forever be scarred on him. 

After being given a second chance, it was his rival Kinomoto Sakura who became the new master of the Clow cards. And thus he was left to waste a way in the shadows. She had won and now he was nothing…

Slowly he lifted himself off the bed and opened the balcony door. He stopped for a moment before stepping outside as if trying to figure something out. A cool wind blew by lifting his short locks of hair. As he leaned against the railing he gazed at the street below. He stayed like this for a couple of minutes before lifting his head up. Now he could see all of Tomeda. It was a beautiful view, only it meant nothing to him. 

Still staring he slowly started to wonder why he was still here. After all he had no purpose here, no reason to stay. Sakura was the one with all the power not him. She didn't need his help. After the summer he had planned on returning to Hong Kong but when a new mysterious force arrived in Tomeda he decided to stay. He wanted to keep a watch on things. But why? So he could prove himself? No, there was nothing left to prove. He was worthless… 

He no longer wanted to stay here but neither did he wish to return home. After all he had brought great shame upon the Li clan. His Mother had sent him on a mission to retrieve the Clow cards which she claimed rightfully belonged to the Li clan. Only things didn't turn out that way. He couldn't bear to stand in front of the elders and explain why he had returned without them. At least he had been able to do it over the phone with his mother. Of course this hadn't made it at all easy. She called him a fraud, went on about the disgrace he had brought upon the clan but what hurt him most of all was when she told him he would never be able to live up to what his father had been. Syaoran had felt as if he had just been stabbed through his heart. 

Very little people still had faith in the clan. When his father had died even more turned their backs. And so to regain their support a new leader was to be appointed to take over. It was decided that his only son Syaoran would be the future leader. He would then restore the faith of those who had turned their backs. He would let the Li clans power be known throughout the magical community once again and lead them to greatness. That had been the plan, the plan that Syaoran had now destroyed. He had failed his family. But who he had failed the most was his cousin Meiling. 

He had been her fiancé. She had loved him deeply and would have died to protect him. But alas he broke her heart. He was incapable of returning her feelings and so he had told her that he loved another.  He would never forget the look of horror and hurt on her face. He told her this when she last came to visit, the visit she had claimed so dearly to be looking forward to. He had ruined that visit. He hadn't seen her since. He desperately wanted to phone her, to explain how sorry he was, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Although he didn't really show it he had enjoyed her company. But after that he was positive that things would never be the same between them again.

While Meiling had loved him, Syaoran himself had people he had loved. First had been the Card mistress's elder brother's best friend Tsukishiro Yukito who in the end turned out to be the false form of Yukito. Well perhaps it hadn't been love. All he knew was that when ever the older boy was around he had felt an overwhelming feeling drawing him towards him. Although it made him nervous he had indulged in the feeling. Sadly he knew that nothing would come out of his feelings. To Tsukishiro-san he was probably nothing more than one of Sakura's little friends who randomly appeared and generously gave him boxes of chocolates and other sweet treats. The person he was in love with now was none other than his ex-rival Sakura. It was strange but somehow the clueless little cherry blossom had grown on him. Now he couldn't help but turn bright red whenever she was around. 

It was hard to believe someone so kind and innocent existed. These definitely weren't the traits one would believe that one of the most powerful beings in the world would possess. Sadly she was very clueless meaning she probably had no idea that Syaoran even had feelings for her. But in the end perhaps this was for the best. After all he had nothing whatsoever to offer her. He felt that he had failed her in so many ways. At the beginning it was always he who had helped Sakura when she was in trouble, now it was she who helped him. Perhaps he never helped her in the first place. He was a failure. He had wanted to help her so many times but was powerless to do so. Like Yukito he knew nothing would come out of his feelings for her. He saw him as nothing more as a friend. She was probably still fixated on Yukito anyway. He couldn't offer her anything. There was no reason to make her love him.

Still standing on the balcony he continued to gaze at the world around him. He didn't belong here and neither did he belong back in Hong Kong. There was no place for him in this world. No place were he would feel secure, no place in this world to ease his suffering. Slowly he left the balcony and returned inside. He let his body fall on to the floor. Why was he acting like this? Since when had be became so weak-willed? When had he become so powerless that he had let the world destroy him? 

He couldn't take it anymore. Small drops of tears rolled on to the floor and tightly he clenched his fists together trying to suppress a sob. The powerful future leader of the Li clan crying, how pathetic…

"Doushite… doushite..?!" 

He couldn't bear to stay in this world any longer. He couldn't stand to have anyone see him like this. Lifting his head he saw that his sword lay in the corner, the sword that been pasted down from generation to generation within his family. He had carelessly left it there instead of returning it. What was the point of having such a sword if you were unable to do anything with it? Unless… yes this sword would serve one final purpose. He got up and walked over to it. Yes… it was the only way. 

He took a deep breath and lifted it up. Carefully he ran his finger down the blade as he contemplated about all he had once held dear. The blood from his finger dripped on to the floor. He forced a smile and with that he pushed the blade in. 

Instead of trying to hide the pain he let it all out revealing the weakling he really was. He fell to his knees and stared at his now blood covered hand. It was fading by the second. This time he smiled for real. "Finally I've been able to do something right…." A moment later everything faded completely….

**Authors Notes: **I hope that was all right and not too bad. Sorry if it seemed to OOC. Just one of my views on how Syaoran may have felt having lost the Clow Cards to Sakura. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Any feedback or advice on how I could improve would be appreciated greatly. Thanks for reading. 


End file.
